Sexuality Paper Essay Example for Free

Sexuality Paper Essay In today’s society, we as men and women are burdened with a double standard of how one’s sex life is supposed to go. We hear from our friends and family, from churches and neighbors, that sex is something you do with the person you love and trust, someone who you are going to share the rest of your life with. Sex comes with marriage, and with marriage comes a promise that you will remain with this one person â€Å"’til death do us part. † But this is no longer the case, as people all over the world are having sex way before marriage. We develop attractions to the people we see in school or in the workplace, and we date each other, and in other cases, we â€Å"hook up.† This is where sex comes in. It seems as though we may have lost that meaning of sex and intimacy and promise, and now we have developed a game. A race even- who can have sex with more people? Who is the most experienced? Who is the best? And as we all want to try and win this race, backlash is inevitable. As men increase in numbers, they increase in â€Å"manliness† and power among each other. As women increase in numbers, they decrease to â€Å"sluts and â€Å"whores† or to â€Å"easy† individuals. Where in the world did this come from? Of course, the power of man did not originate in the 21st Century. Man has been the number one sex as early as the 1600s, when scientists, doctors and religion claimed that the bodies of men and women were one. A body in this time period was â€Å"fluid,† and ever changing, and men and women were represented in a hierarchy. A male body was a perfect body to compare all others to; it was strong, full of heat and truth. A female body was one that lacked vital heat and perfection, making these bodies the inverse of a male body. Women retained, inside, the reproductive structures that are visible on the male body. Women were weaker, softer and colder and always looked down upon. They were also considered more out of control and their morals could not be trusted. A less perfect body meant a less perfect character, citizen and being. But when the 19th Century was upon us, the idea of one body changed into two bodies. However, with this change, the idea of women as a lesser sex was still in motion as scientists tried to figure out the purpose of women, along with the role they should play in society. Physical and â€Å"natural† differences in the bodies of men and women justified the roles that men and women should play. This ultimately led to the view of separate spheres, of men as superior and â€Å"normal† and women as strictly here to reproduce and provide nourishment to their children and families. With these separate roles of men and women in society came gender roles, of men being â€Å"manly† and providing for the family, staying strong and representing his family in a positive manner, while women held down the fort at home, cooking for her husband after a long day at work and caring for the children she brought into this world, raising them to be respectable people just as she and her husband were. Women were to be feminine and dainty and beautiful, polite and have self-control. Men and women were to be opposites of each other, especially in the high class, white world. With these images, the role of sex in each of the lives of men and women became very different. For men to want desire and sex, they did as they please, since they were in charge and held the power. Men did not need to limit having sex to just the woman they were married too. But for women to think this way was considered out of control and even named Nymphomania at the time. Women resorted to ways of rebellion and sexual pleasure on their own such as solitary sex and relationships with other women. And as women pursued their sexual desires and needs, they began to pursue their needs in other ways too. Women have led a long fight in society in the workplace and the political world, constantly fighting for a piece of the power that men hold so close to them. The 1900s were a turn around for women in society as they earned the right to vote, the right to work outside of the home, to live alone, unmarried without children. Women were fighting to be equal with men, to be looked at in the same way and to be treated with just as much respect. Today, we have come a long way in this process as a society; we see women in power in politics, not just in The United States, but in other countries as well, where women are Presidents and Prime Ministers. So where and when did this double standard of sex come to be in our world? Why are women still looked down upon in the subject of sexual relations? To get some answers, I created a survey, and asked some people of my generation what they thought about this double standard, and if they even think it is still around today. Through Facebook, an ever-climbing social network, I posted a survey for anyone to take, asking 10 questions. Here is the outline of my survey: Sexuality Survey This is a survey to develop an idea of the sexual connotations between men and women and the number of sex partners they have had as well as how both sexes feel about it in today’s society. The survey asks a total of 8 questions and each question should be answered as honestly as possible. This survey is completely anonymous and voluntary. You do not have to answer any questions you do not feel comfortable answering. Your input is greatly appreciated in the class of Sociology 345: Sociology of Sexuality. Please Circle: I am a:MaleFemale My age is: d Please write a short response based on your personal feelings, experiences, and opinions. You do not have to answer anything you do not feel comfortable answering. Your input is greatly appreciated! Sexuality Survey Created by Taylor Tarpey This is a survey to develop an idea of the sexual connotations between men and women and the number of sex partners they have had as well as how both sexes feel about it in today’s society. The survey asks a total of 8 questions and each question should be answered as honestly as possible. This survey is completely anonymous and voluntary. You do not have to answer any questions you do not feel comfortable answering. Your input is greatly appreciated in the class of Sociology 345: Sociology of Sexuality. Please Circle: I am a:MaleFemale My age is: d Please write a short response based on your personal feelings, experiences, and opinions. You do not have to answer anything you do not feel comfortable answering. Your input is greatly appreciated! 1. Have you ever altered the number of sex partners you have had to avoid being judged? Why or why not? 2. How does it make you feel to hear that men in society today are perceived as â€Å"better† or â€Å"manly† or â€Å"pimps† if they have a high number of sex partners, and that women are perceived as â€Å"sluts† or â€Å"whores† or â€Å"easy† if they have a high number of sex partners? 3. How do you protect yourself from these connotations? 4. In your opinion, what does the number of sex partners a man or a woman has mean to you? To society? 5. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered more experienced? Why or why not? 6. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered less pure? Why or why not? 7. Have you ever been with a man/woman sexually and considered how this might change their social status? How it might change yours? Why or why not? 8. In your opinion, do you think the opinions of others about this sexual connotation that comes with men and women having a certain amount of sex partners, is changing in today’s society? Why or why not? 1. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered less pure? Why or why not? 2. Have you ever been with a man/woman sexually and considered how this might change their social status? How it might change yours? Why or why not? 3. In your opinion, do you think the opinions of others about this sexual connotation that comes with men and women having a certain amount of sex partners, is changing in today’s society? Why or why not? 4. 9. Have you ever altered the number of sex partners you have had to avoid being judged? Why or why not? 10. How does it make you feel to hear that men in society today are perceived as â€Å"better† or â€Å"manly† or â€Å"pimps† if they have a high number of sex partners, and that women are perceived as â€Å"sluts† or â€Å"whores† or â€Å"easy† if they have a high number of sex partners? 11. How do you protect yourself from these connotations? 12. In your opinion, what does the number of sex partners a man or a woman has mean to you? To society? 13. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered more experienced? Why or why not? 14. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered less pure? Why or why not? 15. Have you ever been with a man/woman sexually and considered how this might change their social status? How it might change yours? Why or why not? 16. In your opinion, do you think the opinions of others about this sexual connotation that comes with men and women having a certain amount of sex partners, is changing in today’s society? Why or why not? 5. In your opinion, do you think a man/woman who has had more sex partners than you is considered less pure? Why or why not? 6. Have you ever been with a man/woman sexually and considered how this might change their social status? How it might change yours? Why or why not? 7. In your opinion, do you think the opinions of others about this sexual connotation that comes with men and women having a certain amount of sex partners, is changing in today’s society? Why or why not? 8. I developed these questions to try and answer many questions of my own. I am very curious to see what people have to say about this double standard and these connotations created by society, and I want to know where this judgment of having too many sexual partners comes from and how both men and women deal with it. I also want to know if people think this double standard has changed as we have advanced socially in our world, and if people really question the society they live in. To start, I received 29 total participants, with 27 who fully finished the survey. Since the survey was optional, I will use all of the data I have received. 20 of my responses were from females, although two of them only answered the first two questions, their age and sex, and 9 responses were male. More than half of these responses were 18-19 years old, five were 21 years old, and I had one of each of the following: a response from a 20 year old, a 42 year old, a 47 year old, and a 53 year old. I was surprised to see results from people well out of my generation, but thankful for these as they provided very different insight into this topic. In the first question, 22 participants answered no, they have not changed the number of sexual partners they have had for various reasons such as being content or not ashamed with the information, or they do not care what others think or that they should not be judged or given approval by others. I also had some answers such as, â€Å"it is a small number,† â€Å"I only tell those close to me,† and â€Å"I am not a whore.† On the other hand, I received six responses saying yes, simply for the reasons of embarrassment and not wanting to be judged. One answer was hard to place, for their response said they did not change this number, but it was only one person and they sometimes deny it. These answers left me with the observation that generally people are confident with their sexual choices and feel that they do not deserved to be judged, so they do not let it effect them. Others are afraid of embarrassment and shame. So why do they feel this way? My next question asked about the double standard of men and women, and the connotations related to it. I was interested in learning what participants thought of this negative standard in society. I received a large variety of responses, such as many displaying disgust and unfairness or anger and sadness, misjudgment and discrimination, even indifference and annoyance. Many gave similar answers in saying that men should not be glorified or in control, or that they should be â€Å"scolded† the way women are, or that there should be no standard at all and everyone should be looked at through the same eyes. Many participants questioned this double standard and the equality between men and women in society, even giving answers such as men and women have created this double standard themselves, and genders perceive their own gender in ways that they deem themselves hurtful or shameful, and also mentioned that society needs to be more informed. Others said this double standard was outdated, and that people â€Å"know what they want,† and that â€Å"sex is normal† and â€Å"we make our own decisions,† as well as, â€Å"we live in a Patriarchal society.† Others, such as that last response, accepted the double standard, saying they were raised to believe this, or it is just a part of evolution and Darwinism, and that we should all just stop taking such hard offense, even that this standard will never change. Many of these responses had me wishing that people questioned society more. Why don’t we ask ourselves and others why we feel the way we do? If so many of us are against this double standard, than what is keeping it alive? And while it is alive, how are we protecting ourselves from it? That is the question I gave next, and I received three similar types of responses. The first seemed to be a string of advice, or things one should not do, such as do not care, do not judge, do not hook up, do not get involved with bad people, do not share this information, do not be bias, do not be a slut. The second type is advice saying that we should only share important information with those close to us, like family and friends, or specifically only those we are intimate with and care about, people we trust. The third type is that we should stand up to others, for others, and for ourselves, that we should question society for these connotations, and that we should break down these images society has placed on right and wrong. It looks as though some people are thinking critically here, questioning society and proposing we fight it, while others are creating more standards for society, such as those things we should not do. If we are so against society’s standards in the first place, why create more? My next question was more personal, asking what a person’s number of sex partners means to them, and to society. Many people said this represents how a person feels about themselves in a general sense or the standards they set for themselves, with things like insecurities or shyness, sexiness or promiscuity, even being easy, all come with having more sex partners. Many said the amount of sexual partners a person has depends on what they consider intimate, and whether or not emotion and intimacy has a â€Å"deep resonance within the individual,† or that we do not take sex seriously like we used to in the past. Some brought up the double standard introduced in the beginning of the survey, saying that more sex partners for a man meant praise and a woman was considered a whore. To society, participants talked about sex partners being a level of â€Å"coolness† or experience, how responsible we are and how well we are able to make decisions, as well as the fact that having a large number of sex partners is often represented in the media on TV and in magazines. I even received some responses that a high number of sexual partners shows how many times a person was under the influence. With these responses, it is evident that the number of sex partners a man or a woman has means a lot, to us and to society. Only once did I receive the answer of â€Å"nothing.† It seems as though sex and the number of partners we accumulate determines who we are and what kind of values we hold, yet sex is seems to have lost its true meaning of intimacy, closeness and love. My next question asked if a higher number of sex partners held by a male or female meant they had more experience. This question was a little vague, as people may define experience differently, but I was interested in seeing how we interpret experience, and how it relates to sex. Most of my responses said yes, these two factors are correlated, that more sexual partners equals more experience, simply for the reason that they have been with many different people, experiencing different things. But others argued against this, saying that â€Å"experience is not quantity, but quality,† many gave examples such as having only few sex partners for long periods of time, and being able to intimately get to know their partner, to â€Å"explore the body and it’s wants, needs, likes and dislikes,† is considered more experience compared to someone who has slept with many people just one time. As I stated earlier, participants agreed that experience means different things to different people, and I was interested in seeing how they interpreted this question. It is similar to my next question, which asks if participants considered having more sexual partners to be less pure. Most participants said no, that a number does not determine purity and that we never know the full circumstances of another individual. Some interpreted this in a religious way, indicating that purity was related to God. I had some answers that God forgives anyone and does not see anyone any less if they have more partners, as well as purity is disgraced with any form of premarital sexual activities, and since many of us partake in them, they do not matter. Of the responses I received that said yes, more sexual partners means one is less pure, said purity depends on age, and that being pure is ultimately remaining abstinent, or even that purity is related to cleanliness. One said we are more prone to sexually transmitted infections with more partners, and that if one is less pure, they are unclean. I was especially eager to read responses to this question because again, I was wondering how participants perceived the word pure. Very few interpreted this as a form of cleanliness, and many related it to religion and God. But many people said no, that purity and the number of sexual partners a person has are not related. I then asked if anyone had ever considered how being with another in a sexual way would change their social status, or that of their partner. The majority answered no, that they had never considered this before, some for the reason that they have never experienced this, or it was not considered at the time. Others responded by saying that social status does not matter during sex, only love and care for the other person is considered, or that they were not concerned with what other people thought. Of the few who answered yes, I was given many responses related more to how one would think of himself or herself after, not of the other person. Two responses I received were worried about how they would be looked at because of the status of the other person, specifically because of age and reputation of their partner, even race. This question has me questioning society. Are we really equal? Participants generally said that social status does not mean anything, yet we have socially segregated the sexual actions of men and women, creating a negative social status for women in the world of sex, while men rise above them. We argue that this double standard is wrong, yet we do not consider the differences we create, setting standards without even realizing we are doing so. My final question was directed at the idea of this double standard changing in society, and if anyone thought the opinions of others regarding to the negative connotations connected with men and women were changing. The majority of my responses were yes, that this double standard is changing, but for many reasons and in different ways. The main change observed in the responses given was that the outlook on women in society is changing. Women are becoming more independent, free and open, in society and the workplace, and it is now more acceptable for them to have more sex partners. The power is becoming more evenly distributed and it is not as much of a big deal as it used to be. Other responses were more general, saying no one cares anymore; we are becoming more lenient as a society, and specifically younger generations are not as concerned with their reputations as older generations are or once were. I also received some responses stating that society is changing it’s opinions for the worse, that this double standard is getting worse, or people are â€Å"getting pregnant too young.† Participants who said no, this double standard is not changing in the minds of society, said that people still talk of the number of sex partners, that we hear it on TV and in the media, and we discuss is with family and friends, or that the double standard â€Å"still stands for the most part.† With these responses, it looks like people see a change in this double standard, that as a society, we seem to be moving away from it and into equality. So why do we let the number of sexual partners still define us? Why are we still making judgments towards individuals, setting a standard for right and wrong in society, if we say that this double standard is decreasing as a whole? We could ask an endless amount of questions and analyze the thoughts and feelings of every individual in the world, and almost always get different answers. As a whole, I think we, as a society, need to stand up and speak out against the issues we perceive as wrong, and question the standards that we have set for ourselves, and society. We should question why we stand for something, or why we are against or for another, because it seems to me that we disagree with the negative connotations linked with sexuality and sexual activities, yet we enforce them in our own, as we create judgments and standards for what is right and wrong. It is true, that women are rising in society to be more equal with men- we have proof of that. Men and women are slowly becoming more equal in every way compared to what they once were so long ago, but are we becoming equal in the world of sex?